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Ask Laura: My Husband Doesn't Want to Have Sex!

Q: My marriage is as strong as ever except for one thing: sex. My husband is completely uninterested in it, and we'd never have any if I didn't initiate it. What could be going on?

High stress, like worrying about job security, is a common culprit, as is lower  testosterone levels in men over 40 (guys have their own version of menopause called andropause). If either of these concerns seems likely, encourage him to see his doctor.

But since your relationship sounds peaceful and fulfilling, the  issue could be that your husband's too comfortable, that he's so used to you taking the lead he doesn't realize you need to be seduced, too. Try saying something like "I love it when you take charge and show me how much you want me" or "I like it when I initiate sex, but it would be really sexy if you got things going." Your husband might not even be aware of how long it's been since he made the first move, so your gentle reminder can help encourage him to take the lead.

Author of Talking to Your Kids About Sex and mom of three, Laura gives taboo-busting advice about intimacy and having a healthy, happy sex life after kids. Send her your questions at