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Today Is My Last Day at Work

When I was hired, I was told that it’d be a part-time position and a temporary one at that, because it slows down in the fall and winter. So even though I knew there’d be no guarantees, at least it was a job and a starting point.

Over the past few months, I’ve continued looking for a full-time, permanent position -- even had a couple of interviews -- but no luck yet. My background in administrative jobs, although extensive, is also fairly generic. Combined with my entrepreneurial experience, which employers don’t tend to like to see, and the economic challenges, the job hunt hasn’t been going well.

And now, I’ve been told I'm being laid off. In fact, today's my last day.

I knew it was coming, and yet, it’s hit me harder emotionally than I thought it would. The fears, the anxiety, the what ifs, and the sense of being “not good enough” has been going through me since they told me two days ago. I know it was a business decision -- they told me over and over again how great I’ve been to have on board -- but it still doesn’t feel good.

Coming into work was incredibly hard -- to smile, to focus, to do what needed to be done knowing that it was my last day and not knowing what I'm going to do next to take care of myself and my kids.

In times like these I allow myself a full-on pity-party for up to 3 days, and then I move on. (Interestingly, I’ve found that just giving myself permission helps me move on faster.) Of course, if I play pity-party this weekend it could ruin Halloween for my kids, and I don't want that. But I know I'll need the time at some point, so that I can be my best for the opportunities that come next.

At least now I have extra time to write, complete my application for my Masters degree, and of course, continue the job search. I have to admit, I may actually enjoy not working for a little while -- but I also know I’ll appreciate getting another job. I have to have faith that as I do the right things, doors will open and one foot will continue to go in front of the other.

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