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A Little Pregnant?

Could I feel pregnant? What does it feel like when fertilization happens? Or implantation?

Was that crampiness I felt the other day the embryo making its way to the uterus, or was that just the takeout Tikka Masala I ate?

How early does morning sickness start? I felt a little nauseous this morning. Or was that because I ate too much ice cream the night before?

Today at the gym my elliptical machine's heart rate monitor showed that I was pumping "Above Zone." I never pump "Above Zone." At most I pump in the "Weight Loss Zone" or "Cardio Zone." Does "Above Zone" mean my heart's pumping for two?

I'm the living embodiment of a cartoon dog who sees every object as a tasty steak — except in my case I view every bodily function as a check on an Excel document in either the "pregnant" or "not pregnant" column.

About 10 more days to go before I know for sure...