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Morning Madness: Getting Out The Door In The Morning Sans Incident

What a fun night and morning I had. At 2 AM, JD woke up calling for me, “Mom, I’m so chilly!” I sleepily walked into his room to find all his covers on the floor. JD moonlights as an Olympic tumbler in his sleep. I shut his window. At 4 AM he pranced into my room giggling, with his blue blanket trailing behind him and said, “Can I have some milk and watch cartoons?” I unknowingly said, yes, because I was half-dreaming. When I realized what time it was, I changed my mind. You can imagine how that went over. JD got milk. I put on channel 123 and fake-slept until 5:45 when my alarm clock went off. JD was sleeping and a turtle was whining on the television.

We got up. I made coffee and gave JD some more milk. I asked him what he wanted for breakfast. “White macaroni!” he said. This means he wanted cavatelli with olive oil and cheese. Yeah, no. Sometimes I can handle pretzels, or cheese crackers for breakfast, once he had Doritos with pancakes—but pasta?! NO. He proceeded to meltdown. I opened a bag of mini blueberry muffins and added some grapes to the plate. Breakfast. Tomorrow, I'll cook eggs and tomatoes with wheat toast. I swear.

“If I eat that I will puke,” he said.

“If you don’t eat it, you can’t go to school and play because you’ll have no energy,” I said.

“I WILL have energy! I have fire-power!” he said and with that, shot his arm out at me and pushed a fake button on his wrist and yelled, “SHHHH FIRE! I got YOU MOM!” then ran away. I love my life. Seriously, my Dunkin Donuts K-Cup was the only thing I had on my side this morning.

JD eventually ate 2 mini muffins, seven grapes (well 6.5, because he spit something out) and a cup of milk. And he only ate what he ate because I followed him around with food. Yeah, it was THAT MORNING IN THE COPPA HOUSE.

After my two-minute shower I gave him his clothes and told him to dress. Something he does great, while I apply my makeup. Not today. When I emerged from the bathroom, JD had removed every magnet and paper from the fridge and his clothes were in the same spot. I dressed him and he fought it. I grabbed his lunch, my lunch, our jackets and called him to the door, but now he was busy putting everything back on the fridge and didn’t want to leave until it was done. And I semi-lost it.

“OMG, what are you doing? Let’s go—move!” I said in a sterm voice. He dragged his feet to the door. My was saying OMG-OMG-OMG-OMGOOOOOOMYGOD in my head.

“We’re late. Come on! Just go push the elevator button, FUN!!” This got him moving.

But when we got there, my neighbor Claire was waiting for the elevator and the button was already glowing red. CRAP. “Just push it again, bud,” I said. “No,” he said. “It’s already red! I’m mad!”

I took a breath, as JD hung on my waist.

“Claire, I apologize if you heard me before,” I said. “It was a rough night and morning.”

She touched my shoulder. “Stop. I have grandchildren his age. Are you OK?” she asked. Now she thinks I'm the overwhelmed single mom and I looked the part because my hair was in a weird, loose side ponytail, that didn't look like that in the bathroom, I SWEAR. It looked chic. Well...

“I’m OK,” I said. The doors opened. JD's arms were wrapped around my waist...we moved towards the elevator as one person.

I dropped JD at school and gave him a warm hug. "I love you, pipsqueak!"

"Love you toooooooooooo," he said running to the block center. Next stop: Dunkin Donuts Coffee."LARGE W/ XTRA SKIM PLEASE."

Even though clothes were picked out, lunches were packed and no one overslept, sometimes mornings are just...insane. Like, hidden camera show insane.

How was your morning? Have a good weekend!

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No, DD did not give me K-cups to write about. I don't rep DD. I DO like DD.