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Control Freaks I Know You Are, But What Am I?

Travel 3

I'm beginning to the think the Tears for Fears song "Everybody Wants to Rule the World" was written about my children, and yes, possibly about me.

I was sitting on a plane coming home a little while ago. The flight was less than two hours long, shorter than several of the treks I take with my kids on a regular basis and I was so antsy — it felt like it was taking FOREVER. I wanted to jump out of my seat, run around, ask the crew how much longer it would take, throw goldfish crackers on the floor and grunt my dissatisfaction to anyone that would listen.

Basically, I felt like I'd pulled a Freaky Friday-style switcheroo with my kids and I was fighting hard not to get put in time-out by my steward-person or get cut off from my supply of peanuts for bad behavior. I kind of scared myself. Why on this particular day was I being driven to drink...large amounts of bottled water?

When I'd waited outside the plane before boarding, I had seen the captain and realized that I wasn't in control of the aircraft. I found myself feeling resentful of my cloistered pilot in his bulletproof booth of domination and power.

Which brings me to a point — I think my kids are jealous of my driver's license. They're power hungry and they think that I think I'm better than them. That's the reason for the flailing, the squealing, kicking and the crying. They cannot stand the fact that they are strapped down with very little control over their own movement or destiny.

Travel 4

In a way, they're right. I do think I'm better than them in some ways. I'm way better at personal hygiene when I put my heart into it and I absolutely slaughter them at Canasta. Dan says I'm also a much better driver than either Laylee or Magoo, although Magoo makes much better car noises than I do.

Travel 11

I've been thinking more and more about this, considering we have a holiday road trip coming up. I'm wondering if they'll be appeased with captain's wings or fake driver's licenses. I'm not sure I'm ready to trade off driving with them.

If worst comes to worst, I might consider removing the bulletproof glass barrier. At least they'd feel some sense of connection with me.

Travel 2