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The Disconnect

So, I got snagged.

"Mama, can you stay with me a little while?'' Maria asked as I tucked her in.

"No, honey. Mami has to work. I'll come check on you later.''

"You are always working.'' She stopped me cold. But, I think I had been waiting for it.

I have been working a lot. And, I have been out a fair amount recently to evening meetings, both for work and for volunteering. A lot of nights, I log into the computer to return e-mails, print out orders, and let's be honest, to check Facebook and Twitter. Maria knows that I'm at my computer because my office is just down the hall from her room. She also knows that sometimes before she wakes, I am in my office typing away.

I have been over-doing it. The tendonitis I have battled on and off for more than a decade recently returned. I have eased back a bit, but obviously not enough. My kid noticed that some days my nose points at a screen more than it does her.

So, since she held a mirror up to me a few days ago, I have been thinking about how I can change, how I can be more present for her, how I can do more things for fun and leisure (like I used to), and yet still move my businesses forward on just a few free hours a day.

I don't have a whole lot of ideas at the moment, because the piles of things I need to do fog my brain, but I have to say that thoughts of Spring gardening, of daily walks in our woods, of just hanging out doing little more than doodling sound just like what we all need here. I've let leisure and simple pleasure slip away a little too much lately.

I say it all the time that my kid is here to keep me in check, to teach me just as much as I teach her. Well, she offered me yet another gentle lesson. When I am old and feeble, it's my kid who will be holding my hand, and maybe telling the Internets funny stories about me. I want there to be simple stories and sweet memories for her to share. And not too many that involve me telling her "I have to work. I'll come check on you later.''

I'm trying.

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