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A Father's Legacy

I never had a father.

He left when I was 2 and never bothered to come back. I suppose the reasons are multi-leveled and vary depending on who you talk to, not that anyone in my family would actually talk about anything. 

Father? What father? Didn't you know that you were the first spontaneous gestation?

I'm not sure how can you can just walk away from your child. How the line where you hate your spouse blurs so much that it includes your child.

I watch the relationship between my daughter and my husband with awe — and a twinge of sadness for what I missed out on. She adores him in a way I can not even begin to fathom. And he feels the same about her.

I will never go to one of those Father-Daughter dances at school. Never make my father a stupid hand-print ashtray out of clay in school (it was the 70's after all). I'll never get to stand on his feet and dance, unless he wants to let a full grown woman do it now. I'll never have my father walk me down the aisle at my wedding. Or see his eyes brim with tears as he lays eyes on his grandchild. 

People always say they feel sorry for any boy my daughter ever brings home. That he will never measure up in the eyes of her brothers and father. And they say it like it is a bad thing. 

But I don't think that is the case at all. I think any boy she brings home will already have undergone the utmost scrutiny.


Because when you have a father and brothers who cut flowers for you and put them in a vase in your bedroom, how can you not have high expectations of your own?

Her bar is set high. Right where it belongs.


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