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Forgiveness

Tis the season for being thankful. And going hand in hand with thankfulness is forgiveness. But how many of us are slow to forgive ourselves. We continually beat ourselves up over things. Does this describe you? Go on, raise your hand. It seems we are all in good company.

So this year in addition to being thankful for my family, my children, my house, the ability to afford oil to heat my house, my food, my relative wealth when compared to people in other countries, my reliable van, the ability to afford gas to put into that van, my cute shoes, and dairy free chocolate, I am forgiving myself and letting go of some of the things that plague me daily.

This year I forgive myself for:

1) Being only a good enough mother. (I have high expectations)

2) Being a rather lousy cook.(Not only that, but one with no inclination to improve her skills.)

3) Losing my patience when a deep breath and little bit of understanding would be more appropriate. (Or maybe they could work on aiming more accurately.)

4) Not changing the sheets on my children's beds as often as I should. (Unless quarterly and/or when vomit strikes is the appropriate amount of times.)

5) Tossing my food wrappers on the floor of my van, then blaming it on the children when my husband comments on the mess. (I can not even justify this one with anything other than I am too lazy to gather the wrappers after I get out of the van.)

6) Eating junk food in the pantry so that I don't have to share it with my children (I am only thinking of their health.)

7) Saying that I am working, when really I am looking at shoes and IMing with friends (but that is sort of like work, right? Oh how I can justify.)

8) Getting dressed at 4pm so that my husband will not think I was in my pajamas for the entire day (why do I do this? would he even care? or notice?)

9)For not calling my friends that I cherish more often and letting them know that I am thinking about them. (Maybe I should start answering the phone when they call too. Baby steps, people.)

10) Sneaking in packages from the store so that my husband won't see them and then telling him, "Oh, I have had this forever," when questioned about it. (Lazy and a liar, awesome)

11) For being judgmental of other mothers. (Why do I expect other mothers to live up to the standard that I wish I could live up to. But never quite do.)

12) Telling my children I will play that game with them right after I am done working, but then never getting around to playing it. (I think I may have just died a little with this realization.)

So I am sure you will forgive me if I cut this short and go play that game right now. If not I'll add it to my forgiveness list for next year. I forgive myself for letting down the internet. But I love my children more. At least most of the time.

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Visit Notes From the Trenches — Chris's personal blog

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