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It Happens in Threes

Isn't that saying? That bad luck always comes in groups of three? Like celebrities always die in groups of three, which I suppose is really is only unfortunate to the dead person. But after the second thing happens you just wait for the third and final thing, so you can exhale.

1) Yesterday, as part of our home renovation -- extreme edition, I was repainting the exterior of our back porch and the steps and railings that lead to it. It was about 500 degrees outside and sunny. I had no idea that there was a thunderstorm heading our away. As soon as I finished painting, the sky opened up and I watched as the rain washed away all of my paint. Having several hours' worth of work wash away in minutes was awesome. No really, I have so much free time I don't know what to do with myself. Now I can do it all over again.

2) For dinner last night my husband was making some sort of spicy salsa type thing when the jalapeño pepper shot up and hit him in the eye. He ran to the sink to begin washing out his eye, but he had jalapeño juice on his hands so all he did was make it worse and get the pepper in his other eye and all over his face. I ran and got out my Mommy Needs a Cocktail shot glass. And did a few shots.

Not really. I had him use that to rinse out his eye with water, while I filled another shot glass with Mylanta. Yes, it hurt that badly that my husband was willing to take my advice and pour Mylanta in his eye. Cherry flavored. That says something right there. Finally, my Google M.D. is paying off. Now all I need is for someone to choke so I can trache them with my empty ball point pen case.

3) Today it is hotter than the face of the sun. No really, I read it somewhere. Probably on the Internet. But you know everything you read on the Internet is factual. Like the Mylanta. To answer your burning (man, am I funny) questions: Yes, I am complaining about the heat. Yes, it was just a mere few weeks ago that I was complaining about the cold that threatened to turn my extremities black. No, I am never happy.

Tonight I was driving my son to (say it with me now) baseball, when the air conditioning in the van stopped working. Just. Stopped. Working. We had to drive with all of our windows down and sweat the entire way. I nodded in solidarity to all the other drivers lacking air conditioning … at least when I could see them through the sweat dripping in my eyes.

Even though I don't consider myself a superstitious person, I am exhaling and hoping that the next string of bad(ish) luck is far in the future.


Visit Chris Jordan's personal blog, Notes from the Trenches