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Jack and Molly Discuss Today's Post Over Goldfish Crackers

JACK: I think my fourteenth Time Out tonight was the last straw. Look at Mommy on the couch, drooling on the pillow. Who's going to write her post tonight?

MOLLY: We should, OBVS.

JACK: I know, right? She always writes about us, but who knows us better than US?

MOLLY: We should write about how awesome we are. 

JACK: We do have many talents.

MOLLY: Dude, tell me about it. I started WALKING this week.

JACK: Um, by the time I was your age I'd been walking for four months. I'd hardly label that talent.

MOLLY: Wait, aren't you the boy who's taking nineteen years to potty train?

JACK: That's not my fault. Mommy's being awfully inconsistent. I mean, big boy underpants one day, a diaper the next, then those silly training pants when she's too lazy to think about it but feels guilty about the diapers... how am I supposed to create a habit?

MOLLY: ANYWAY. I look super cute when I'm walking. Everyone says so. 

JACK: I think the word everyone is saying is "drunken."

MOLLY: What's that mean?

JACK: I dunno. Doesn't sound good though.

MOLLY: The Internet should also know that I am a fantastic dancer. They should see me rock out to my Fisher Price karaoke toy.

JACK: How come you never let me play with that?

MOLLY: How come you never let me play with your dishes? You know that drives Mommy crazy.

JACK: I actually kind of like Time Out. Don't tell Mommy.

MOLLY: I am really good at pouring tea.

JACK: I'm awesome at leaving Play-Doh crumbs all over the living room. 

MOLLY: The Internet should totally know these things.

JACK: Okay, but don't tell the Internet about I freaked out when Mommy washed my blankie today. Or how many times I asked for a chocolate cookie.

MOLLY: If you would just EAT your lunch and EAT your dinner Mommy would GLADLY give you chocolate cookies. I mean, you HAVE seen how many SHE eats, right? It's not like she disapproves of chocolate cookies or anything.

JACK: I know, but if I started eating NOW I'd ruin my entire reputation. 

MOLLY: Wait - do you even know how to type?

JACK: I thought YOU knew how to type, Miss Mommy Always Lets Me Sit On Her Lap And Hit The Buttons.

MOLLY: Well. There goes that idea.

JACK: Maybe Daddy can write something.