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What Do You Want From a TherMomEter?

The longer I’m a mom, the slower I am to take my kids to the doctor when they’re sick.  It makes sense.  I have a better feel for childhood illnesses and how they work, I know my kids better now, they’re better at letting me know what’s really bothering them, and I’m just a lot less high-strung about all aspects of parenting.

It’s also much more chaotic to have three children sitting in the microscopic doctor’s office than it was with one.  I’m also lazier and tired of being embarrassed when I bring my deathly ill child into the office only to have her go crazy-insane with energy and high spirits once we come in contact with the doctor’s aura, thus outing me as the proxy-hypochondriac liar I am.

Dr. McPediatrician – if you’re reading this, I want you to know that they really were sick before I brought them to you, every single time.  You’re just such a good doctor that you healed them with your presence.

Wanda has been sickish for a good part of the past month.  Her plague lingers and hangs on and then morphs and gets stronger.  She’s been coughing and boogying, rubbing her eyes and oozing.  Sometimes she wakes up crying in the night but then she’s also getting her one year molars so she’s entitled to wake up crying as much as she likes.

She was prone to frequent ear infections for the first several months of her life but has been infection-free since getting tubes this summer.  However, I decided that the rate of goo issuing forth from her facial orifices was compelling enough to take her in for a medical probing. 

Of course there proved to be no identifiable illness and we came home much the same as we’d gone out, green and slimy. 

There has to be some better way to gauge how sick a kid is and to figure out what to do.  I’ve been thinking of inventing a new kind of thermometer, a TherMomEter, that tells you the things you really want to know.  Here are a few of things it might say on the display:

 -Not sick enough yet.

-Will be better in two days, regardless of your actions.

-Ear infection.

-Get thee to an infirmary.

-Wonky sinuses.  Shoot saline up her nose.

-Run for a barf bowl.


-Stayed up too late last night reading Harry Potter with a book light. Send to school anyway.

 So how about you?  What would you want your TherMomEter to tell you about your child’s health?

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