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Telling Pregnancy Weight Gain To Bite Me (And I Taste Like Cookies)

I've had plans to write a careful, reasoned, perhaps even halfway PROFOUND post about pregnancy weight gain. (And in that I might include the five pounds I gained over the holidays because 1) I really like Christmas cookies and 2) I kept hoping to be pregnant and seriously, what would be the point of not eating all the delicious Christmas cookies if I was just going to get fat ANYWAY, hmm?)

But no, I've decided to get all VENTY about it because I've already had my first run in with Disapproving Medical Personnel and I'm already over it. OVER IT, I SAY! Shall I explain? 

My new OB's office starts you out with a fun little interview with a nurse, and one of the questions the nurse asked was how much weight I gained in my previous pregnancies. My answers: 50 pounds with the first, 60 pounds with the second. And there was AUDIBLE GASPING. Which: okay. Fine. I am WELL AWARE that that's a lot of poundage. I am not going around RECOMMENDING that you gain that much weight. But audible gasping? Really? Was it her first day on the job? 

Now, it's true that I didn't try VERY hard not to gain a lot of weight. For one thing, I control nausea by eating. It works! For me, anyway. Feeling barfy? Eat a cracker! And I think it's hard not to eat your feelings when you're pregnant, or feel entitled to indulge your cravings. You're going to blow up like a balloon ANYWAY, right? So yes, I am definitely not the Poster Girl For Keeping Your Weight Down. 

That said, before my first pregnancy I lost 30 pounds. I needed a "project" while my husband took a year to get used to the idea of having kids. So I was pretty darn proud of myself when, halfway through my pregnancy, I was still smaller than I'd been before. (And also totally weirded out.) I then lost all the baby weight before I got pregnant again, eight months later. And after Molly was born? I lost all the baby weight plus ten pounds. And kept it off! Even right now, at 8 weeks pregnant with the third, I weigh less than when I got pregnant with Molly. "Ho ho!" I say to myself. "You may gain a lot of weight but you know how to take it off! GO YOU!"

Of course I bragged about this to the nurse. Of course I thought it would absolve me of my Weight Gain Sin. But she just looked at me with narrowed eyes and said, "Well, did you have to work at it?"

I don't know, Internet. What do you say to that? What can you POSSIBLY say to that? I opted not to say anything, lest I explode with righteous indignation and bust out my weight loss BLOG on my phone for PROOF of how very hard I worked.

I was advised to keep my weight gain to between 25 and 30 pounds this time. And gee, I'll TRY. But I'm not going to promise anything. My babies weren't unduly large (the first was tiny, actually) and I didn't end up with gestational diabetes. Part of me suspects that I may just gain more weight than average when pregnant (though, I have to say, pretty much every mom I know gained more than 25 pounds while pregnant). And whatever I gain, I've lost it before and I can do it again. Even if I have to work at it. 

How do you guys feel about this topic? I honestly don't know any of the science, but my experience and that of my friends tell me that bodies just gain the weight they want. Like it's true that I can work out and diet myself down to MAYBE a size six, but that is in no way a feasible long-term body for me. Whereas some people are still going to be a size four when they're seventy. (I happen to be friends with a lot of those people: WOE.) It just makes sense to me that my body will do what it needs to do, and while I probably shouldn't help it along with a box of doughnuts every morning, I don't want to spend nine months wringing my hands over every bite of bread either. THOUGHTS? I will also take YOUR righteous indignation re: the nurse (who looked as though she's never struggled with weight issues in her life) (okay, perhaps I need to let this go) (DEEP BREATHS).