I would like to preface this post with the emphatic announcement that I am NOT PREGNANT! Not even a bit. Laylee may think otherwise. Laylee may tell people otherwise. My abdominal region may hint otherwise but the truth is, I am not currently with child.
I do however have a bit of a gut issue and all the cute shirts you can buy today look like maternity tops. I think some designer somewhere sits back and laughs with giddy glee every time she ships off another shirt that will have people asking unsuspecting women when their paunch is due. I wish my flab were going to be delivered but chances are good that it will remain happily nestled beneath my girls for some time to come. My girls like it, gives them a comfortable place to rest.
This weekend we went to a Green Power Baby Shower, kind of like a Black Panther rally for Martian babies, only not. It was an expo in Seattle where vendors shared products and services that are environmentally responsible and non-toxic. The target demographic was expectant mothers and although I'm not currently expecting, I expect to be at some point in the next 20 years. And I'm trying to be more green and non-toxic and smell bad and all that jazz.
Well, I didn't consider the target demographic for the expo when I chose my outfit for the day. I could not have looked more pregnant if I were pregnant and I got comments all along my way.
"When are you due?"
"It's tiring to carry around that extra weight all the time, eh?"
"That is the cutest maternity top I've ever seen."
"When your baby comes..."
It was awesome. So I just smiled, nodded, stuck my belly out and patted the "baby". When I do get pregnant, he's gonna have a nice comfy home there. My midsection is actually quite accommodating.