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Memo to Self, Written by My Daughter as Toddler

Today I am going to wake up early — very very early. I am going to stand in my crib at 4:00 a.m. and scream "mommy, mommy" over and over until my mom comes to get me out. Once we lay down in her bed and get all comfortable I am going to demand my "ba-ba". NOW. I want it NOW!

After my mom gets out of bed and gets it for me I am going to kick her with my foot while I drink it and hit dad in the head with my free hand. When they try to roll far away from me in the bed, I will turn sideways. Now I can kick mom with both feet and still hit dad in the face.

Once I finish drinking my bottle I am going to hold it by the nipple side and swing it back and forth, repeatedly smacking my parents in the head with it. When they try to pull the covers over their heads to get away from me, I will stand up and yank the covers off of them.

When mom takes my bottle away and throws it across the room, I will head butt her a few times. And just for good measure I'll head butt dad, too. Then I will climb on top of him and jump up and down.

Finally they will give up and get up out of bed defeated at 5:30 a.m.

I will dance a little jig and sing "I'm the boss, I'm the boss" and even though they don't understand what I am saying, I think they get the meaning.

And after they go downstairs and have their coffee and dad leaves for work, I will climb up on the couch and go back to sleep.

A girl needs her beauty rest after all.

Next on the list: practice ear splitting screams, running away from Mom in stores and hiding inside the clothing racks, and refusing to eat every food that contains a vowel.

* * *

Me here, I am happy to report that she has successfully accomplished everything on her list.

Now excuse me while I go flip her room in search of her most recent memo to herself. I need to know what is going to come after "only wear princess clothes, order everyone around in a manner befitting a princess, and refusal to wipe your own butt." I am hoping for "begin taking naps." Yes, I dream big.

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Visit Notes From the Trenches — Chris's personal blog

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