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My DVR Judges and Mocks Me

Now that the kids are in school and I have a manuscript due like, yesterday, and work piling up left and right, I decided to sit down and catch up on the new Fall TV lineup that I have recorded with my DVR. No, it is not a TiVo. I got the one that came with my satellite. And let me tell you one thing about it that I never knew before: this thing is snobby and not even a little bit kind in its opinions on what I record.

As I pull up the menu of hours upon hours of shows, I decide on Survivor. Midway through the show, my DVR freezes. Then it turns itself off. Totally off. When it comes back on and reboots (taking at least 5 minutes of my precious stalling time), Survivor has been erased. Not just the one I was watching, but all of them. (I know! I couldn't believe the horror either.)

Being alone, I had no problem in freaking out on the DVR.

"What's up with that? Why did you have to go and delete all of those shows? What's your problem? You think you are too good to hold onto reality TV? Please! You are just a DVR. And that was RUDE! What a poopy head!" (My “Lessons in Maturity” classes begin next month.)

I think I angered it in my mild attempt at smack talk.

I scroll through the menu again. What other stored up, brain-rotting television do I have to watch? I decide to settle in and catch up on Ugly Betty. I still had a few from last season that I never had a chance to watch. With less than 10 minutes to go in the show, the DVR again freezes, shuts off, and then won't reboot. It just glares at me. After chastising and berating it, it blinked on. Then off. And back on. Only to have erased every Ugly Betty program I had recorded.

Seriously? This is how it's going to be played?

Normally, I would call in one of my teens to fix it because, let’s face it, in most cases they know more about all things electronic than most of us over the age of 35. But I was alone. At this point, I get up and yank out gently remove the "smart card" and do what I do with any card / game / electronic device I own. I blow on it. It is a proven fact that blowing on it fixes it. (Okay, I am the one who claims that it will work, and it has proven to work in the past, but that is beside the point.)

When I replace the card and the system takes, oh, about 10 minutes to recover, I have gone from having 26 hours left of recording time to 70 hours. Twenty-six hours to 70 hours. You can do the math. (I don't do math. Remember how we talked about not being the Homework Mom?) That means, my DVR chose (and yes I choose to believe it was a conscious choice) to delete HOURS of my recorded shows that I may or may not want to watch. I mean, I had Ellen dancing with Michelle Obama recorded. I had High School Musical I and II on there. I even had the a few Gilmore Girls!

So, what did my snobby, judgmental DVR leave me? Three episodes of Blues Clues (which, by the way, no one in this house watches anyway), four Suite Life of Zach and Cody episodes, and over a month's worth of tech shows and sports that my teens recorded. Oh, and about 18 different shows from the Discovery channel which will probably still be there after my DVR accidentally gets tossed into the street to be plowed down by the next speeding SUV or minivan.

Assuming something as tragic as that was to happen.

Apparently, my DVR does not like reality TV, talk shows, or Lifetime movies and/or series. It does however like shows for preschoolers, educational programming, and soap operas.

I glared at it.

It blinked back.

So rude!

It’s true. I have a love-hate relationship with my DVR. I hate its mocking, self-important attitude but I love that it will record Grey’s Anatomy for me when I forget it is on because I am struggling with homework. It almost makes me long for the days when you actually had to sit down and watch a program when it was aired. Almost, but not quite.

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