Remember when you wanted to do something really crazy in school like leave early for a spa treatment or be excused from a homework assignment because your fish died, and your teacher would say that you needed a note from a parent? Well, hey. Guess what!? That’s me! I’m the all-knowing, all-authoritative parent. It’s one part scary, one part weird, and one part totally awesome in its implications of mind-blowing power and the capacity for world domination.
Yesterday I was writing a note to let Laylee be picked up from school rather than take the bus, and I snorked my way through my own signature because I was grinning so hard. I felt like it was a forgery. This was supposed to be a Note-From-A-Parent (or NoFAP) and it was coming from me. I must be doing something illicit or at the very least slightly treacherous.
And then it struck me as it has many times in the past, “How have I tricked so many people into letting me be the mom of these kids?”
I’m, like, only a couple of years older than them, and in many ways only about 5 minutes more mature. Granted, I am cleaner and capable of being much more quiet. I also need far fewer blankies wrapped around my chubberly little face to soothe me to sleep.
Sometimes I feel like I spend my life pretending to be a good mom, and so far I’ve accidentally gotten it right most of the time. So no one suspects that I’m really just a big fat kid myself with insecurities and fears who feels like a poser when she writes notes to the teacher.
(Well, now they might suspect, since I’m posting this on the internet and all.)
Then there are times when I start to feel like I’ve got it all under control, that I’ve mastered this parenting thing, and that I deserve to be writing NoFAPs to Laylee’s teachers. THAT’s a dangerous place to be, because when one of my kids undergoes a violent personality change in the night, I wake to find I need to learn how to parent a whole new species of child. And then I’m unsure again and I consider calling my mom and asking for a NoFAP from her, saying I’m allowed to try and mother this new creature called Magoo – Phase 13b.
Maybe when I’m 30 I’ll get it all figured out. Yes, 30 will definitely be my NoFAP-worthy year. I’ll let you know how I feel in a few months when I’m all pre-middle-aged.