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Notes from the Straitjacket

If I ever have a complete and total nervous breakdown, it isn't going to be the direct result of some major event. It is going to be an everyday occurrence that finally pushes me right over the edge.

It is going to occur because one of my children turned the toaster to the darkest setting after using it and I was the unfortunate person who tried to make toast next and ended up with the last two pieces of bread in the house turned to charcoal.

Or it will be that upon entering the shower I discover yet again that the brand new bottle of shampoo is empty and the bar of soap has been broken into hundreds of tiny pieces and stuffed into the drain.

Or because instead of putting their clean and folded laundry away in their drawers they have stuffed it all into the hamper. Because I don't mind rewashing clean clothes, really. I often think, 'I don't have ENOUGH laundry to do.'

Or because someone has once again thought aiming into the toilet was a suggestion, not a requirement.

Or children who get into a knock-down, drag-out brawl over a spot in the van, even though there are numerous other vacant spots in which to sit. Especially when we are only taking a five minute drive, not a cross country trek when perhaps an argument could be made for acquiring a certain seat.

Or because instead of taking off their "clean" shoes at the door someone decided to run through the house to get something, leaving a trail of clumped dirt behind. At least I don't have a baby that then eats the clumps of dirt, so I can be thankful for small mercies.

Or because my son playing baseball in the outfield, gets his hand stuck in his back pocket and therefore misses the only ball that comes his way.

And that is just the list of occurrences from yesterday. Today is a whole new day, ripe with new and exciting opportunities for me to completely lose my mind.


Visit Chris Jordan's personal blog, Notes from the Trenches.