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The Official Vegetable of Dinner™

Today's post brought to you by Daring Young Dad, aka Dan:

Have you ever read the comic strip Family Circus? Sometimes the author has "his son Billy" fill in for him while he's on vacation, resulting in a stick-figure version of the usual kids-in-the-circle cartoon. This post is kind of like that, except I'm filling in for Kathryn, in honor of Mother's Day.

Parenting is funny. This is mostly due to the children involved.

Take our beloved Laylee: A few nights ago, I prepared corn for the official Vegetable of Dinner™. The main dish was new and untested, so I hedged my bets by serving the kiddos corn in separate, special "corn bowls." It was a good thing I did — Laylee didn't really warm up to the (scrumptious) macaroni casserole but was still able to eat all her corn, since it had not been contaminated by the main dish. Of course, her corn ration alone was not enough to satisfy her, and she only wanted MORE CORN. Unfortunately, I had failed to cook warm up enough. Unfazed, she reasoned that "corn water" was the next best thing, and requested that I fill her corn bowl with it.

Which I did.

She drank it all up and asked for more. Then Magoo wanted some. Corn water was a big hit. Who knew?! (Not me.)

Not as good as corn water

Parenting can also explode all over your kitchen like a packet of Kraft mac 'n cheese powder.

A few Saturdays ago, I was solo for lunch duty. I admit I like the old stand-by of mac 'n cheese (I even still like to eat it!), and I was going to share my love of the radioactively orange pasta 'n sauce with the kids.

I don't ever want to spill powder when I rip the top off the "cheese" packet, so before tearing it open, I grasp one end of it and, with a few quick flicks of the wrist, shake the contents down to the other end of the envelope. Only this time (on the very first flick!), the body of the packet detached from the seam in my hand. The decapitated powder packet flew across the kitchen in a blaze of radioactive orange glory.

At that precise moment, the 34-pound Magoo trampled the 36-pound Laylee* who was lying sunny-side-up on the floor. He nearly squished her in half, according to the screams.

Gotta keep my toddler-trampling weight up!

The noodles were boiling over, there was "cheese" dust all over the kitchen like sticky on a two-year-old, the children were screaming in anguish and fright... and the phone rang.

Kathryn probably didn't understand why I sounded so crispy — she deals with this sort of thing all the time.

She is a Saint.**

Parenting is many things, but the best thing about about being a parent for me is being a co-parent with Kathryn. To my sweetheart, to the mother of my children: Happy Mother's Day Week! We all love you dearly.

*I exaggerate not; these are their actual weights as of last week.
**I exaggerate not; I've already registered her with the Vatican.


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