Part I: Overheard at the Harley Davidson dealership
William: That's a motorcycle!
William: It's cool!
Me: No. No, no no. No.
Part II: Overheard from the booster seat
William, upon noticing his runny nose: My nose is coming down.
Part III: Overheard at breakfast
Grace: Oh, it died.
Me: It "died"?
Me: What died?
Grace: The butter.
Me: The butter died.
Grace: Yes. You need to put more.
Me: On top of your dead butter.
Me: Um, Okay.
Part IV: Overheard on the couch
Me: When can I have a day when I sleep as late as I want and then do whatever I want?
My wife: In about fifteen years.
Part V: Overheard from the playroom
Grace: Dad, I'm almost making a beautiful picture.
Part VI: Overheard in the yard
Grace: Oh, no! My tie came unshoed!
Part VII: Overheard while browsing photos
Me: Look at these new pictures of William
My wife: God, he's so frickin' cute.
Me: Yeah. He looks so grown up.
My wife: Don't you think he's especially good looking?
Me: Well, of course. But, I'm his father, so...
My wife: No, I mean he's really amazingly beautiful. When we're at the playground, with the ugly children...
Me: UGLY CHILDREN?!?
My wife: What? I said "other children."
Me: No, you totally said "ugly children."
My wife: No, I did not.
Oh, yes she absolutely did.