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Overheard in Bean and Buddy Land

(Rip-off of Overheard in NY/The Office/etc.)


Forget Harvard — Get This Kid to Broadway!

Bean: And now...I bow. [closes eyes and takes deep bow]

Upon exiting the bathroom after a successful potty training moment

* * *

Do You Have a Better Explanation?

Excited Buddy: Look, I got a pocket for my p*nis!

Noticing the flap in the front of his underwear for the first time

* * *

Sorry Bean, There's Only One Clown in That Car

Me, shouting at bad driver ahead: C'mon, Bozo!

Bean, from backseat: Mom, please. I want to see the bozo?

Green light, Chicago

* * *

He Should See It After Chili Night

Concerned Buddy: Oh no, the polar bear pooped!

Lincoln Park Zoo, after Buddy spots large brown rocks at the bottom of the polar bear pool

* * *

Clean Up in Aisle Seven!

Bean, announcing into a plastic echoing (loud) microphone: Daa-aad, I have a poooooo-oooooop. Mo-om, I have a POOOOO-OOOOOOOOP...

Other end of the hall, early in the morning (VERY early in the morning)

* * *

Why I Need Wine at the End of the Day

Buddy: Mommy, please I want to try that? [points to wine]

Me: No Buddy, I'm sorry, this is for me.

Buddy: Why?

Me: Because it's my drink and you have your own drink.

Buddy: Mommy, why?

Me: Because you have your drink and I have my drink and Daddy has his and Bean has hers and we all have our own drinks.

Buddy: Why?

Me: [sigh] Because if I let you drink it you will get drunk and pass out and then hug the toilet while you puke and you'll probably get alcohol poisoning and later develop some toilet-related infection and then Child Social Services will come and ask me all kinds of questions and then the police will arrest me and I don't want to go to jail for giving you some of my drink.

Buddy: [...pause...contemplate...pause...change subject]

— Dinner table

* * *

How Do You Spell KARMA?

Buddy: May I be excused please?

Me: Buddy, you need to eat some more of your peas, please.

Buddy: But I don't want any more peas.

Me: Why? You just said you love peas!

Buddy: Because I don't want any more peas.

Me: Why? How 'bout just —

Buddy: Because I don't want any more peas.

Me: Why?

Buddy: Because I don't want any more peas.

Me: [...pause...contemplate...pause...excuse him from table...pour more wine]

— Dinner table

* * *

Dolt Patrol

Me: So, you have to hold my hand when we cross the street. Kids always need to hold an adult's hand. I'm an adult, and you guys are kids. what's Bean?

Bean: I'm a kid!

Me: And what's Buddy?

Buddy: I'm a kid!

Me: And what am I?

Bean, after thinking for a moment: Mom, are you a dolt? Mom, I think you're a DOLT!

Me, laughing: I'm a dolt? Okay...sure! And what's Daddy?

Bean: I think Dad's a dolt too!!

Me, still laughing: Yes, we're dolts. You're right — you're absolutely right.


Overheard by: G and halfmama


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