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Overheard in Bean and Buddy Land

(Rip-off of Overheard in NY/The Office/etc.)

laughing

Forget Harvard — Get This Kid to Broadway!

Bean: And now...I bow. [closes eyes and takes deep bow]

Upon exiting the bathroom after a successful potty training moment

* * *

Do You Have a Better Explanation?

Excited Buddy: Look, I got a pocket for my p*nis!

Noticing the flap in the front of his underwear for the first time

* * *

Sorry Bean, There's Only One Clown in That Car

Me, shouting at bad driver ahead: C'mon, Bozo!

Bean, from backseat: Mom, please. I want to see the bozo?

Green light, Chicago

* * *

He Should See It After Chili Night

Concerned Buddy: Oh no, the polar bear pooped!

Lincoln Park Zoo, after Buddy spots large brown rocks at the bottom of the polar bear pool

* * *

Clean Up in Aisle Seven!

Bean, announcing into a plastic echoing (loud) microphone: Daa-aad, I have a poooooo-oooooop. Mo-om, I have a POOOOO-OOOOOOOOP...

Other end of the hall, early in the morning (VERY early in the morning)

* * *

Why I Need Wine at the End of the Day

Buddy: Mommy, please I want to try that? [points to wine]

Me: No Buddy, I'm sorry, this is for me.

Buddy: Why?

Me: Because it's my drink and you have your own drink.

Buddy: Mommy, why?

Me: Because you have your drink and I have my drink and Daddy has his and Bean has hers and we all have our own drinks.

Buddy: Why?

Me: [sigh] Because if I let you drink it you will get drunk and pass out and then hug the toilet while you puke and you'll probably get alcohol poisoning and later develop some toilet-related infection and then Child Social Services will come and ask me all kinds of questions and then the police will arrest me and I don't want to go to jail for giving you some of my drink.

Buddy: [...pause...contemplate...pause...change subject]

— Dinner table

* * *

How Do You Spell KARMA?

Buddy: May I be excused please?

Me: Buddy, you need to eat some more of your peas, please.

Buddy: But I don't want any more peas.

Me: Why? You just said you love peas!

Buddy: Because I don't want any more peas.

Me: Why? How 'bout just —

Buddy: Because I don't want any more peas.

Me: Why?

Buddy: Because I don't want any more peas.

Me: [...pause...contemplate...pause...excuse him from table...pour more wine]

— Dinner table

* * *

Dolt Patrol

Me: So, you have to hold my hand when we cross the street. Kids always need to hold an adult's hand. I'm an adult, and you guys are kids. Okay...so what's Bean?

Bean: I'm a kid!

Me: And what's Buddy?

Buddy: I'm a kid!

Me: And what am I?

Bean, after thinking for a moment: Mom, are you a dolt? Mom, I think you're a DOLT!

Me, laughing: I'm a dolt? Okay...sure! And what's Daddy?

Bean: I think Dad's a dolt too!!

Me, still laughing: Yes, we're dolts. You're right — you're absolutely right.

Chicago

Overheard by: G and halfmama

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