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"Potty Training"

In case you're wondering, the quotes around the words potty and training are 100 percent intentional. Lucas is now 32 months old and is nowhere near ready for potty training.

I, on the other hand, was potty-trained by 18 months so I could go to Montessori school early. And legend has it that my husband, who was born in Russia where and when there were no disposable diapers, was potty-trained at one year because his mother got tired of washing cloth diapers.

How do I know that Lucas is not ready for potty training, at least not yet? Tell me what you think:

Lucas: Change my diaper — I have a poo-poo.
Nonna (aka, my mother): Why don't you go poop on the potty?
Lucas: I like going poop in my diapie, I just don't like sitting in it.
Nonna puts Lucas on the changing table to change his diaper.
Lucas: Is my butt clean yet?
Nonna: Yes.
Lucas: Please put on a new diaper — I have to pee.
Nonna: You know when you have to pee? Why don't you sit on the potty and make pee-pees?
Lucas: But I have a new diapie.

Lucas: I want to potty train.
Me: Really? That's great. Let me know when you want to sit on your potty.
Lucas: Sit on the potty? I just want a prize.

Lucas: What are you doing, Mommy?
Me (sitting on the toilet): I'm going pee-pee. Big boys and girls go pee-pee and poo-poo on the potty. Diapers are for little babies.
Lucas: No, Mommy. Diapers are for little babies and me.

Lucas loves to sit on the big-boy potty but will only do so with his diaper on. Lucas knows when he has to both pee and poop but, once again, will only do so with his diaper on. He likes to look at his poop and for me to flush it down the toilet, but he won't actually go in the potty. And then, of course, there's the whole boys-potty-train-later-than-girls thing. Which I don't really understand because boys have it easier than girls in that department — I guess that's evolution's sense of humor!

We've tried it all: bribery, peer pressure, going commando and, of course, the requisite personal observations (see above). I know no child goes off to college in diapers, and I have been known to confess that I don't mind changing diapers, but I am truly amazed at this whole potty-training-resistance phenomenon.

Then again, I'm in no hurry to start pulling over to the side of the road or to make random pit stops in gas station bathrooms (I absolutely loathe public restrooms). So for now I will just let nature take its course!