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Questions

1. If, while in a restaurant, your child has snot blockage setting up house in their nose, causing them to nasal-whistle and speak like Elmer Fudd despite not having a cold, do you:

a) Leave it and let said blockage catch flies and have a party until it leaves on its own?

b) Let child pick it out on his own?

c) Lean child back, perform remedial surgery with any available tools, and ignore surrounding public/waitstaff/poor customers just trying to enjoy their food as you pull Titanic-sized carnage from child’s nostril?

2. While trying to potty-train, your child tells you she needs to pee. You are in the car, in the middle of standstill traffic, with no shoulder in sight. Do you:

a) Try and distract with songs, promises of stickers/snacks, while begging child to hold it just for a few minutes until you are able to pull over?

b) Park car in road, open door and let your child go right on the pavement? In front of eight other surrounding cars with first-row seating?

c) Quietly beg her to just go in her pull-up, then make her promise not to tell anyone, all the while realizing you have just set potty-training back two months? (Also realize you are too tired to really care.)

3. While out in the playground, a larger child knocks your kid over. Do you:

a) Ask other child to watch where she is going and to be more careful?

b) Tell other kid to be more careful, then trip her as she walks by?

c) Grumble nasty remarks under your breath while you help your child up, then search around for missing parent so you can shoot dirty looks?

4. You get on a crowded bus with your kids and no one gets up to offer you a seat. While your children are holding on for dear life, swinging around and trying not to fall, one of your children says, “Mom, we have to sit down!” Still, no one gets up. Do you:

a) Ask someone politely if they would be so kind to give up their seat for your kids to share?

b) Pick your children up and shove them in any available space between seaters, then sit yourself down on someone’s lap?

c) Announce passive-aggressively to your child that you wish you could, but NO ONE IS GETTING UP SO THAT THEY CAN SIT DOWN, then shoot everyone the evil eye while they try to avoid eye contact?

5. Your child catches you crouching in the kitchen, shoving potato chips in your mouth. He asks, “Mom, what are you eating? Can I have some?” Do you:

a) WHAT? You would never have potato chips in your house in the first place!

b) Say, “Nu’in” with a full mouth, then quickly stash chips away in a cabinet and pretend you don’t know what he is talking about?

c) Tell him that they are special food only for a-dolts and that he can have some when he is an a-dolt too?

I wish I could tell you that this is a special quiz to determine what kind of parent you are. Alas, I’m no psych major. I’m seriously curious to know what other people do. (I'm a C kind of person myself.)

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