As I was discussing my blog from a couple of weeks ago with my girlfriends—the one about missing the Neurotic Mom Gene—it occurred to me (with help from my husand, thanks Jay) that I am plenty neurotic in my own way. I may not worry about germs and VOC-laden paints, but I do worry about my capacity to juggle a growing family and a full-time career. But that’s not all I worry about…
I worry about getting pregnant, staying pregnant, being healthy during my pregnancy, suffering morning sickness that lasts all day, like friends of mine; I worry about having another c-section, and the recovery while I have two babies to care for (I hear it’s a tougher recovery the second time around); I worry about the costs involved with having another child; the day-to-day juggle; the nighttime struggles; what if he/she isn’t as perfect a child as Preston was/is? Are we ready to have an imperfect child? I know how to do perfect, but imperfect I’m blatantly unqualified for, let’s face it. I have the world’s easiest/sweetest/cutest kid. That doesn’t prepare you for much, especially when we’re talking about two children.
Preston is in his “mommy stage” right now—I don’t know if it’s a result of me being gone so much during the week or what, but he wants his mommy All. The. Time. He’s always reaching for me, whining when I walk away for a second to clean up, and the killer—he wimpers when I leave for work in the morning. Rips my heart apart every day. As much as I love being his favorite, it does make it hard because he only wants me to play with him, me to hold him, me to put him to bed… It’s a bit exhausting and it’s taking a serious toll on my back.
How on earth do you do this while being pregnant, or with two kids? We’ve got one down pat; to throw another into the mix now would throw our Parenting Routine waaaay off. I understand it’s an adjustment and I know we can do it, it just frankly scares the crap out of me. I am not someone who loves change—and being a control freak and all, I like to know what to expect out of a situation before it happens. So there being two of us and one of him, that’s easy to manage. But two of us and two of them? Yikes. Two of us and three of them? It seems impossible!
Another thing I worry about—and this one’s legit—Jay is opening another restaurant soon, which means he’ll no longer be a part-time SAHD two days a week. I’m considering putting Preston in daycare two days a week, and keeping our nanny the other three days. We have a beautiful new daycare in our neighborhood that also happens to be “green”—it’s called the Little Green Tree House, check it out, it’s getting great reviews.
I think Preston will love going to daycare and socializing with other kids—and I think it’ll be great for his development. I’d rather have him in part-time daycare than full-time nanny-care, honestly, because I want him being around other kids more (and we'll save a little money, which is always nice). Our nanny has a play group that she gets together with almost every day, but it’s always the same three kids. I want him socializing more than that. But—and here’s the rub—I don’t love the fact that neither one of his parents will be home during the week now. It’s the plight of the working mom, nothing new in the world of parenting issues, but it’s not something I really had to think about till now. And, no, quitting my job and/or going part-time are not options for me right now.
The other issue I’ve been thinking about lately is, the last time I was pregnant Jay was opening his first restaurant. If we’re keeping score, we conceived the week it opened and the night we moved into our new condo, on Dec. 18, 2009 to be exact. We found out we were pregnant that January, got a dog in early March, I got a promotion in April, we relaunched Playboy.com in May, and I was working 60 (sometimes 70) hours a week, throughout most of my pregnancy. It was a brutal schedule. But it was made even harder by the fact that Jay was working late nights (such is the restaurant biz), so I was home alone a lot with a demanding puppy and a growing belly, and a new house to manage. Well, now that we’re ready to start trying for Baby G. No. 2, it just so happens Jay’s opening another restaurant, and now we have a toddler (more demanding than a puppy)—I might find myself in almost the same situation again, pregnant and alone to take care of a kid AND a dog.
Hi, my name’s Neurotic, what’s yours?
So, you see, I may not stress about the small stuff—but these big life changes make me a little nuts.
Am I over-thinking things too much though? These are real concerns, but it’s not like it’s going to stop me from trying for another baby…I just need to find a way to not let these things occupy my mind as much as they do. It can’t be good for me, or Jay, or Preston.