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Simon Says, "Don't Touch ANYTHING!"

Last weekend, I found myself in the bathroom of a family-friendly restaurant and began to wonder if maybe the eating area was human family-friendly, while the restrooms were more cordial to families of germs and other contaminants. It was pretty nasty.

Magoo was squeezed into the stall with me and when it was my turn, I was frantic to keep him from touching the filth that surrounded us. I’m pretty sure that some of the germs were so big they were visible.

“Simon says, ‘Put your hands on your head!’” I blurted from my seat on the throne.

Magoo put his hands up like a criminal.

“Simon says, ‘Put your hands in your pockets.’”


“Simon says, ‘Put your hands on your tummy and turn around in a circle three times.’”

Magoo continued to play along with a huge grin on his face, completely forgetting the magnetic force that had been drawing him closer and closer to the feminine waste receptacle. I carried on with the game until it was time to go out and wash our hands, and I feel fairly certain that Simon Says is the next most effective thing to a voodoo doll for exerting total maniacal control over our children.

We must use it wisely.


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