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Toddler Boots Should Not Come in Camo

Two-year-olds love their boots. Boots can be filled with water, mud, slime, or even feet. They keep your feet dry and your worms wet when you're short a bucket. Boots are the shiz and every 2-year-old knows it.

This love of footwear can be a double-edged sword. I hate calling my son a loser but I'd be lying if I didn't tell you that he loses things at all times. He's finally getting old enough to notice that he's lost something and herein lies the problem. "Wherezit? My boots. Wherezit MY BOOTS!?"

Well, little buddy, the last time I saw said galoshes, you were wearing them while frolicking with slugs in the foliage out front...or were you using them as a goblet to sample pool water...or trying to construct a makeshift space helmet? Hmmm... You'd better just search the entire house and outlying property.

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The yard that eats boots for breakfast

He looks at me with a bitter sadness, his eyes begging me to produce the ever-loving shoes STAT before he's forced to do the drop-and-wail. Oops. Too late.

He mashes the back of his hands into his eye sockets and lets out a very sincere, piteous wail of despair, then stumbles and flops against any nearby surface, usually the floor. The tears are real, the sadness is real, but the visual is hilarious and outrageously cute.

Which is why, when he performs the drop-and-wail, I sometimes spontaneously burst into laughter. This makes Laylee very concerned. Yesterday when it happened because a grape rolled under the fridge, I let out a chuckle and Laylee let me have it. "Don't laugh at him!"

Oh, Baby. I'm not laughing AT him, I'm laughing WITH him...twenty years from now when we tell him this story.

For the record, I kiss and cuddle him all over his body after I snicker at his dramatics.

And then I can't help but find him the BOOTS! The problem is, they're camouflaged. They're nearly invisible to the human eye when nestled in their native environment. Ask me how I found this on a third of an acre of landscaping chaos. I'm sorry. I have no answer. What I do have is a new best friend, until the next time he loses something. Um...I'd better go.

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