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Two Under Two

Jack turned two on Sunday, and that was poor planning, wasn't it? Turning two on Mother's Day? Which is why we had his party on Saturday. Like I am going to SHARE Mother's Day.

I can't believe I have a two-year-old, you guys. I mean, when we were discussing this whole baby thing, my daydreams never got past, oh, nine months. Walking? Talking? And (heaven help me) potty training? Yeah, never thought about it.

But now I have a TWO-YEAR-OLD who is proving all the scary two-year-old rumors true, and he's officially kicked me out of New Mom territory. His second birthday also means I no longer get to use "two under two" as an excuse for... everything. Like the state of the house, the fact that we don't go anywhere, the eyebrows that have needed waxing for over a YEAR, etc. My go-to excuse is no longer valid and I find that incredibly perplexing. What will I say now?

I have to admit I've rather enjoyed the distinction. If I have to put up with snide comments and inappropriate jokes about the sixteen-month age difference between my kids, it's only fitting that I should get to act like a martyr every once in a while as well. I have TWO children under TWO YEARS OLD! HowEVER do I manage?

As much as I've used it to my advantage, I didn't find that two under two was any big deal. I was exhausted dealing with a toddler while pregnant and figuring out the sought-after coordinated nap was rough, but I think I would have dealt with the same stuff if Jack had been a year or two older. The one area I thought the age difference might work in my favor was Jack getting used to a new baby, but NOPE! Seriously underestimated THAT situation. It was a good two months before the Monster Child morphed back into my sweet little boy.

I've also had a lot of fun in the last month or two telling everyone who will listen that when Jack was Molly's age I was ALREADY PREGNANT. People sort of lean in close and say, "You're not thinking about having a third already... ARE YOU?" And even though it is totally none of your business, no, no I'm not. Which isn't to say that if 1) we had a little bit bigger house and 2) we weren't hoping my husband goes to grad school this fall and 3) I could just pick one out at the store and not have to do the pregnant thing again, I'd be all over a new baby.

I don't really get the Child Spacing thing. I know I'm in the minority, believe me, and my husband is waaaay over in the Third Child Shall Arrive At Precisely 4:37 PM On The Second Thursday In April 2020 Camp. It just seems like a lot of effort for something that rarely works out the way you think it should happen. And how did I end up in Family Size and Child Spacing Land, when all I meant to say was ACK, HAVE TWO-YEAR-OLD and WAH, EXCUSE IS GONE?

But now I am dying to know: for you moms of close-in-age kids, what's the "best" comment you've heard? My mother, who had five children in five years, has some SHOCKERS.

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