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What’s the worst thing you can say to a new mom? I have a pretty good idea….

Last week I went to register Alex for pre-school and while the director was showing me the snowman artwork display, she casually asked, “So, when are you due?” “Uh, I just had the baby two weeks ago,” I said with a smile, then pretended to be really interested in the ABC lesson going on in the corner (really I was choking back tears). Here’s what I wanted to say: “Are you effing kidding me? We’ve spoken on the phone three times this week and all three times I’ve mentioned that I have a newborn. Also, don’t you know you’re not supposed to ask a woman if she’s pregnant unless her feet are in the freakin’ stir-ups?!” UGH. It was so not what I needed.


I gained about 30 pounds this pregnancy and the last time I weighed myself (at Nora’s two-week pediatrician appointment since I don’t—and won’t—own a scale), I had 15 pounds left to lose. I thought that was pretty good. I thought I looked kind of great for just giving birth. Of course I have a belly and zero muscle to speak of, but still….


Today Nora is four weeks old and, thanks in no small part to the above comment, I’m feeling like I should be in shape already. Or at least get myself in gear. OK, maybe not in full gear just yet (I’m not sure I have the energy—or the time—to work out right now), but perhaps cut back on the bagels and the cookies and the cheese. I’m not eating for two anymore, I had a super easy delivery and recovery and I’m not breastfeeding so I really have no excuse for the overindulging. And, despite the fact that they’re predicting a foot of snow here tomorrow, summer is right around the corner and, well, I’d like to not be fat when it arrives. Ugh.


OK, more on losing the baby weight later. Today I want to commiserate. Have you ever gotten the when-are-you-due slap in the face? What other things did people say to you after giving birth that drove you crazy? Here are a few more of mine:


“Are you breastfeeding?” (I’m not. I can’t. And I have zero guilt about it.)


“Is she cold?” (Why is it that my parents’ generation is so obsessed with the temperature of our children?)


“Are you going to have more?” (Um, didn’t I just have one? Like five minutes ago? Can’t we be happy with that for a little while? OK, I have to admit, I think this one bothers me so much because I’m usually the one asking…and I don’t know the answer).


“OMG, it must be so hard with two, how are you surviving?” (We’re kicking ass, thank you very much. Sure, we have our moments but this is what we signed up for and, for now at least, I prefer to focus on just how well it’s all going.)