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Why I Am Eating Cookie Dough With A Spoon

My day started at two in the morning when Phillip and I blearily turned to look at each other and he said, "Am I dreaming? Or is Molly singing?"

It was. And we were up several more times after that, for what reasons I can barely recall. The morning -- actual morning, not still-dark morning -- was a blur of uneaten breakfasts and a bath in which half the water somehow ended up outside of the tub. At one point I announced to the living room that Mommy needed to lie down for a minute, and promptly collapsed on the couch. But the kids just thought this was a fantastic game of Poke Mommy! and Climb On Top Of Mommy! and Wipe Our Snotty Noses In Mommy's Hair!

I'm proud to say we accomplished the singular item on the morning agenda: arrive at Molly's eighteen month checkup on time. I shlepped them into the exam room, nice-talked with the nurse, got all nervous and stuttery in front of the pediatrician because that's how much I love her and then I found out that 1) Molly was due for, like, ninety-seven different shots and 2) they had flu shots in stock!

[BIG FAT TANGENT: I somehow managed to score my kids the H1N1 shot way back in the fall. And not on purpose -- I'd just happened to look at the website that day and noticed they had H1N1 supplies and I had time to hold on the phone until the totally overwhelmed receptionist could make us an appointment. But! It has been NIGH IMPOSSIBLE to get the booster or even a regular flu shot. They don't exist! Anywhere! So I just gave the kids a big lecture on Not Getting Sick, Do You Hear Me? and have gone around hoping for the best. WHAT ELSE CAN I DO?]

So anyway, I was all, "Huh?" And the pediatrician was all, "Well, they both need H1N1 boosters and we have them." [ANOTHER BIG FAT TANGENT: Boosters! Gah! I didn't even KNOW Molly needed one until two months after her shot and it was only today when I found out Jack needed one too. Perhaps I should blame my stunning ineptitude at Finding Things Out, but COME ON, Pediatrician's Office! You didn't tell me about this at all! Ever! Gah!] And THEN the pediatrician said, "And do you want them to get the seasonal flu shot as well?" only she said this with a look of, "The right answer is 'Yes' and if you don't give me the right answer I might feed you to the alligators in our office moat."

Which is how my son ended up with one completely unexpected snort of H1N1 virus up his nose and one scary flu shot in his leg, and how my daughter had so many "pokes" I couldn't bear to look. SHE gave me a look that said, "E TU, MAMA?" and I tried not to cry. She did her usual Deathly Silent Scream gig afterwards, but I wasn't upset about the possibility of her passing out because, hello, we were already at the pediatrician's office. I finally managed to calm everyone down with a nice, "Who wants a TREAT?!" It never fails.

We ended up at the Safeway down the street, scoping out the doughnut case and eating five million calorie macaroni and cheese near the Lotto machines. Wait, did I say eating? Oh no. There was no eating. There was shrieking, because the mac and cheese was just slightly warmer than Day Old Toast. There was wailing because Mommy couldn't hold the baby AND open the little plastic bags of forks and spoons at the same time. There was gnashing of teeth because "Monny TOUCHED ME!" And there was sobbing because everyone was looking at us. Oh wait, that was just me.

I knew they were tired, I knew they didn't feel well, I knew we just had to get home and take naps. I knew the answer and I had all the reasons, but I was still so upset and overwhelmed and WORN OUT. So when Phillip wanted to talk about jobs that might require travel, like LOTS OF TRAVEL, during dinner tonight, which I made with one demanding and unhappy baby on my hip and one almost 3-year-old tugging at my jeans shouting, "What you DOING Mommy, what you DOING?" over and over and OVER, I decided tonight was an excellent night to eat cookie dough out of the mixing bowl. Wouldn't you?

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