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Wild Animals Don't Use Porta-Potties


Humans probably should. Yesterday we took a field trip to the small zoo near Grammy and Papa's house. It was fun. Our van was one of three cars in the parking lot and we were largely alone as we roamed the grounds. I saw approximately 10 animals. Laylee saw approximately 3. She said she didn"t WANT to see the tiger. "I just wanna see the leaves and dirt."

Her wish was granted as there were far more leaves and dirt than there were animals, and the leaves and dirt were much more cooperative, accessible, and amenable to being prodded with a sharp stick.

Right around the time we reached the tiger cage, Laylee began running around and flapping her arms, saying, "Potty, potty, pot-TY." I looked around everywhere but all I could see were leaves, dirt, grass, and a tiger.

"Okay Laylee," I said, "You'll have to go right here."

Just the night before, Dan and I had been having a discussion about how much easier it was for him in life because he could produce a directional stream. I told him that no matter how hard I'd tried to aim when "going in the woods," I'd always ended up in a puddle of trouble.

Poor Laylee must be stuck with my feminine genes because as she started to go, a forceful stream shot out directly towards her pants, socks, and shoes, which I had carefully pulled as far away from her as possible. Everything was soaked. I tried to hold her up with one hand, while cleaning her all over with the wipe in the other. What I ended up doing was grasping onto one of her legs while dangling her upside-down directly into the puddle she had just made. My hands were full, she was slipping, and I knew I was in big trouble.

Dan ran over and asked me what I was doing.

"Um...dipping our naked 3-year-old in a puddle of her own urine at the public zoo. Er. Help."

Strangely enough, Laylee seemed unfazed by all of this. Dan helped hoist her up so the blood could rush back to her extremities, I bathed her in wet-wipes, re-dressed her, handed her a pointy stick, and she ran off into the dirty, leafy sunset.

A minute later we turned the corner to find a porta-potty standing along the pathway. Porta-potties? Ha! Who needs 'em out here in the wild?