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Pop-isms, Volume V

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A home movie where Dad films his kid doing something dangerous used to be called Exhibit A. Now it’s a viral video…. My new favorite children’s book is Linda Hogan’s Wrestling the Hulk: My Life Against the Ropes Ming Ming from the Wonder Pets is in desperate need of a speech therapist…. Why do kids get the cool undies? I would so wear tighty whiteys with Franklin and Bash on them… Tori and Dean’s children will be under a lot of pressure to win the spelling bee... The timeout chair should have arm restraints, a metal head cover, and a fake electrical cord, just for maximum effect…. Before kids, you make slow, tender love. After kids, you microwave it… If you love backaches and sleeplessness, and hate air conditioning, you’ll love camping with your children… Somebody needs to call the family welfare office on Max and Ruby’s parents... A zoo is a fun way to introduce your kids to the concept of life without parole…. Old family paradigm: date, get married, have baby. New family paradigm: Have baby, get married, date…Something tells me the Fresh Beat Band didn’t form in a garage in Brooklyn… I have a great idea for a new talk show. I'm calling it Me and My Son Together in the Chili's Bathroom Stall.... A kid hitting a dad in the crotch with a wiffle ball bat is funny, but a dad hitting a kid in the crotch with a wiffle ball bat is abuse. Talk about a double standard…