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LOL: Moms' Top 10 Medical Maladies

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  1. Congestive Art Failure: The inability to find room for one more cross-eyed portrait of Daddy on the fridge

  2. Sexczema: The way your skin crawls when your husband tries to cop a feel after you've spent a long day with a whiny, clingy kid

  3. Mallergies: Severe aversion to large shopping centers after enduring back-to-school shopping with your moody tween

  4. Damnesia: Disorientation at hearing your child use a bad word, until you remember he heard you use it first

  5. "My" Graine: Throbbing headache after spending a two-hour playdate refereeing fights over a single toy in a chock-full basement

  6. Hymnsomnia: Sleeplessness due to anxiety over how one's offspring will behave in church

  7. Manopause: Overwhelming need for a girls' night out following an afternoon of baseball widowhood

  8. Robotomy: Abrupt reversal of your upbeat mood after you step on your child's favorite action figure, amputating its limbs

  9. Gastrointerestitis: Excessive focus on what your child could've eaten that made him sick

  10. Carpool Tunnel Syndrome: Sensation of spending one's days endlessly shuttling rowdy kids to soccer practice and piano lessons

Originally published in the April 2011 issue of Parenting magazine.

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