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Mommy Got Back!

I don’t know about you, but after two kids -- and a half-dozen years of finishing their leftover mac 'n cheese and dino-shaped chicken nuggets -- my butt doesn’t need any help in the plumping department. For those of you who suffer from a too-flat fanny, though, now there’s hope: Bremenn Research Labs’ Butt Lift in a Box.

I’m intrigued by this little kit (though, so far, not enough to try it) which contains a “plumping catalyst,” a “lifting and firming emulsion,” and, last but not least, a special butt-lifting and toning program. I’m guessing that’s a regimen best done in a room with drawn shades, but who knows? It could also make an amusing and possibly lucrative video.

Ironically, getting a Kardashian-worthy caboose will take a toll on your other bottom line -- the kit costs $99. So if you want a free option, please let me know, and I’ll send you some of my surplus butt. Then maybe we’ll both look like perfect tens in our Sevens.