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Nursing Octuplets?!

As someone who breastfed twins, I have some advice for the new octuplet mom who plans to breastfeed all eight of her hungry little cherubs: Don’t bother with shirts. It’ll be way easier. Besides, she won’t have time for that painstaking process of pushing her arms through sleeves anyway. Here’s why:

We know her preemies won’t be nursing just yet, but she plans on giving them expressed breast milk while they’re in the NICU. Which means she and her pump will soon be attached at the, um, boob. Conventional wisdom says to pump as often as your baby (or babies) would feed so that your supply can match their demand.

Let’s do the math here: An average newborn needs to eat about 8 times a day, but since she’ll eventually be able to breastfeed two babies at once, that’s a mere…32 pump sessions a day. She might as well strap the contraption to her back and secure the breast shields to her chest with duct tape. She might also want to give her pump a nickname (I affectionately dubbed mine Van Helsing) to bring them closer.

But don’t just take my advice. Here are 12 other ways she can prepare for the daunting task ahead of her. The reward? Everyone -- including me -- will bow down at her bloated feet and wonder how in the world she does it.