Most moms have read the iconic What to Expect When You’re Expecting, and there’s lots of info in there about what will happen to your preggo body (we’ve got the same info right here). But we had to giggle when we read Sarah Tuttle-Singer's What You NEVER, Not In A Million Years, Expect When You're Expecting (which makes the regular, old WTEWYE seem like it’s holding out on you).
First trimester: You'll probably develop carpal tunnel syndrome from spending over an hour a day on Google trying to figure out if those niggling pains in your pelvic area that you've been feeling for a few days are period cramps, or possibly (oh please God!) pregnancy symptoms... Then you'll google "carpal tunnel" and "pregnancy" to see if there's a correlation. Plus: 16 Early Pregnancy Signs
Second Trimester: At the 20 week ultrasound, all babies look like Voldemort. Even yours. Plus: 10 Wacky, Weird & Gross Pregnancy Symptoms
Third Trimester: Around this time, you're going to start buying a ton of Mozart CDS and wooden toys made by magical elves in Scandanavia. And you will judge the [crap] out of real parents. You know, those with actual kids that are on the outside who blast Gangsta rap and let their babies play with matches plastic toys made in China.
Birth: The laws of Stockholm Syndrome dictate that you will fall in love with at least one person in the Labor and Delivery room. And that person will not be your partner. Plus: The Real Poop on Labor
Read the whole article for more hilarity!
So what should you really expect when you're expecting? And let's be real.