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The final draft

Seems simple enough: Find a notary and sign my married name four last times. Probably will take all of five minutes and we don't even have to do it together. I suppose that's to make it easier, but I don't want this to be easy. Not for me. Especially not for him.  It's too neat and clean for something that's caused such emotional destruction. As usual, I haven't even opened the email from the lawyer with my copy, but my STBX has. When I asked him last night, he responded in his usual casual tone: "Yeah, everything looks fine. I'll print it out and find a notary in the next day or so. No problem." He could have been talking about mailing a package at the post office or buying some milk on the way home. Which is how it always is with him when we have to talk about horrible things like selling our home or ending our marriage.  I know it's not exactly his fault, it's how he copes, and yet, his nonchalance catches me off guard every single time. I just don't get it. I don't get how we can be going through this process and not acknowledging to each other how sorry and sad we are. I don't get how there's literally no emotional connection left...or why I keep looking for one. I have horrible feeling that when the agreement is approved by the judge, we'll leave our marriage (and each other) behind without a hug and kiss goodbye.

 

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