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Post-Holiday Blues

So how have the last couple of weeks been for you? I hope you found moments...maybe even days...of joy as you celebrated with your kids. I had a few: I threw a party and laughed with old friends. I stayed up late with Miss Monkey listening for bells and woke up early to see if Santa really came. I snuggled with my new baby niece and danced with my nephew. But I had to work for those moments—force myself to be present. Because the rest of the time I was far, far away. It's why I haven't been able to write. I've been too disconnected, too numb. I guess you kind of have to be in order to go through the holiday motions and not miss every second of the years when your smiles were real. That's where I am now. I'm finally letting myself miss the Christmases we spent together as a family and all the ones we won't. It's not an easy place to be, but I know I need to be here for a little while. I just have to keep reminding myself that it's not where I have to stay. xo, Evie