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What I've been ignoring

Yesterday I had to notarize a statement that says I give up beneficiary rights to my STBX's new IRA. Any day now I should be getting a package from the lawyer with yet something else to sign. It's the last set before the papers go to the court. Then some day, a couple months from now, there will be another package. That's the one that will hold the decree that our marriage is, in truth and fact, over. I wonder if it will arrive in a black envelope...kinda hope it does. I guess I always imagined there would be an appointment where we'd sit on opposite sides of the table and witness together the end of our marriage.  It feels too easy, too neat, this way. Scarier, too. There's no way to know when it will arrive. No way to prepare even a little. Which is why, I think, I've been clinging so tightly to the distraction of dating...even when it's been supposedly torturous. Because god knows there's not too much right now in my life more torturous than this.

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