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One step forward, two steps back

My husband stopped by yesterday afternoon to drop off a few of my daughters' things. She was thrilled for the surprise visit and made the most of it while I started dinner. But as I stood at the stove listening to the laughing and running upstairs, my heart almost stopped. This is how things used to be. When we were a family. I ran in the bathroom when they came down becuase I didn't want either of them to see my tears. I must be getting good at hiding them because neither seemed to notice.

As much as I want so much to leave these memories behind, I still can't let them go. And as much as I talk about how I know he'll never change his mind, there's still part of me that hopes I'm wrong. How, after nearly five months, can I sometimes feel just as raw as I did when we decided to split? And how can i feel totally ready to move forward one day and totally stuck the next? As I've said before, I hate this.