Thirty-three days ago, my husband and I separated. It was a decision we made together, but one even six months ago I never thought possible. We've been married for 8 years and together for more than twice that. We have the most beautifully hilarious 3-year-old and a home that is exactly like the ones we always dreamed of. We were supposed to have a life together. I never expected it would be perfect or easy or even always happy. But I also never believed I could even imagine my life without him in it. And then one day this past summer, I suddenly could.
Since that moment, I've spent nearly every second I don't have to devote to my child or my job thinking about why and how and what does this mean and what about my baby and what do I do with all the pictures and, damn, my rings, my rings, my rings and is there still a chance and will I be alone and the money (!!!!) and who could ever love me if the person I thought always would no longer does? Does he? I don't know.
What I do know is that this a very big thing. It's weird, embarrassing, awful and surreal, and nobody ever talks about it. So I've decided to share my experience with whomever wants and needs to listen. And I hope you'll share yours, too. The one thing I've learned so far is that it is completely unnecessary to go it alone...and talking, even if it's to a stranger, can give strength, clarity and validation. So, please, visit me often. We won't be strangers for long.