You are here

18 Things We Never Said Before We Had Kids

Kids say the darndest things—but so do parents! We asked our readers on Facebook to share the weird, wacky, hilarious things they say now that they never said before they had kids—and we loved their answers so much that we had to share! Here are some of our favorite responses:

"I understand the dog licked you first, but it's still inappropriate to lick him back."
—Shannon L. from Ferndale, Michigan

"'Let me smell you so I know you used soap and shampoo in the shower!' (Yes, sometimes they really do just get in there and forget what they are supposed to be doing and skip the soap/shampoo altogether). And I have yelling in the door many times...Don't forget to wash your butt and feet!"
—Angie N. from Matthews, North Carolina

"I heard my husband saying to my 3 boys. 'You never never wipe your butt with a ball. You only wipe your butt with a square.'"
—Regina G. from Mesa, Arizona

"'I need a nap!' Before kids I was completely anti nap. I felt like I was wasting the day. Now I live for naps to survive the day."
—Andrea P. from Medford New Jersey

"OMG I sound like my mother! (I say this to myself more often then I'd like to admit.)"
—Shannon D. from Cincinnati, Ohio

"Stop licking the dogs nose."
—Cassie R. from Aiken, South Carolina

"Get your foot off your brothers head! He does not want to smell your toes!"
—Andrea D. from Elysian Fields, Texas

"Get your hands out of your pants!"
—Renee D. from Bastrop, Louisiana

"Mommy is trying to poop, go play with your toys. No I'm not going to sing a song for you right now, I'm using the restrooom."
—Jacquelyn B. from Indianapolis, Indiana

"I'm going to count how many times you pretend to fart in someone else's personal space today. You're on five already."
—Kari C. from Waldoboro, Maine

"No, toothbrushes are not for scrubbing toilets."
—Lizzie C. from Norwalk, Ohio

"Come here, Let me smell your butt."
—Jessica H. from Ramsey, Illinois

"This is not my homework, I've already been to elementary school, it's your turn."
—Kerri G. from Albuquerque, New Mexico

"No you can't take your clothes off at the store."
—Stephanie M. from Lehi, Utah

"Stop licking my pants!"
—Alexandra H. from Schaumburg, Illinois

"Don't put a light saber up your nose."
—Helen P. from Lincoln, Nebraska

"This is why we don't put play doh in the hair brush."
—Sarah W. from Fairfield, California

"Just wait until you have your own kids..."
—Sophia S. from Hackettstown, New Jersey

What have you found yourself muttering as a parent that you never thought would come out of your mouth? Tell us in the comments below!