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13 Totally Legit Excuses for Not Having Sex Once You Have Kids

Once kids enter the picture, sex with your partner sadly can take a back seat (as can showering, sleeping, and generally taking care of yourself).

It's OK. You're not alone.

Here are 13 legit reasons for not having sex once you become a parent. One day things will be back to normal...right?

1. After your 2, 3, and 5 a.m. wake ups, the sexiest thing you can think to do at night is veg out on the couch and watch Real Housewives.

Fit Cupcake

2. Actually, you kinda were in the mood. But, then your toddler wiped his boogers on you.


3. It's a logistical nightmare. There's no room in the house where children aren't, and no time of the day or night when one of said children aren't awake and in need of something.


4. The last time you were about to have sex, you stumbled into your room to find a small person asleep in your bed.


5. In no universe could you possibly lie down and not fall asleep.


6. You foolishly signed up for cupcake duty for your kiddo's class party—and it's 9 p.m. and you haven't even started!

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7. You're sick—again. Because you have kids in school and when aren't kids in school sick?! (And nobody likes having sex when they're sick!)


8. In the throes of passion, your partner steps on a Matchbox car, fractures his ankle, and needs to make an impromptu trip to the emergency room. Romantic!

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9. Unless one of you runs out to the grocery store after the kids go to sleep, no one in your house will be eating tomorrow. Unless oregano counts as food.


10. You both drank too much wine and passed out, because: kids.

Vine Pair

11. Juuuust as the sexy times were about to begin, the dog started barking because he needed to go out. Why does the universe hate you!?!?


12. Neither of you have showered in days, and as much as you love each other: no.


13. Right as things are getting hot and heavy, a small voice can be heard in the not-so-far distance, saying, "Mommy, what is Daddy doing to you?"

Keene Point of View